Everything going to be alright.
I am a worrier. I worry about all sorts of things. Rational things, irrational things... you name it. I realize that it adds stress to my life that is often unnecessary, as worrying is really a waste of energy. Things in life are going to happen. They are going to happen exactly as they are, whether I worry about them or not. I feel like sometimes, my anxiety is heightened by life experiences. Most of the time, things dont happen to me "gently." Good or bad. So, in my brain, I just think the worst sometimes... and feel like if something is going to happen, its going to be traumatic. Im all for "got big or go home" but not in that sense. Psychologically, I have the worse case scenario playing in my head pretty quickly, then my anxiety skyrockets and I am off the charts. Good times... I understand people dont want to be around me when this happens.
I am trying to work on this. I am trying to rationalize my thoughts and not waste energy on worrying about things that are out of my control. I am trying to take any situation and understand that really, in the grand scheme of things, more often than not, its not THAT bad. There is a solution... and as Dory says in her new "Finding Dory" movie... "There is always another way." <--- clearly I watch WAY too much Pixar.
Realizing, that I really create more stress for myself if I worry... and consciously not worrying, is not easy! Its a behavior that will take a long time for me to change. I also realize, that I am a mother. That I will worry about my son, if he is sick, if I am doing the right thing, where he is, what he needs, is he happy... for the rest of my life, but I think I can do it in a much healthier manner without jumping to the furthest extreme.
Having a plan helps. That "white picket fence" that I talked about yesterday. That is going to help me to make this change in my life. If I have a goal and a plan that I can stick to... it will take some of the extra stress away. The worry about money, where are we going to live if we move, will we move, do we want to expand our family? While that plan might falter at times, I can not worry that it will, I have to be confident in our plan and reach for the goal at the end.
The other things... well, I just have to stop. I have to put an effort forward to not worry about things out of my control. I have to step away from Dr. Google and all the misc information on the web that tells me how many hours my kid should be sleeping at night or what he should be eating... I have to let life unfold and remember that things are just things... that I am more than those things. That I dont have to check that I unplugged blow drier three times before I leave the house... or drive back to my house because even though I know I locked the front door, I might not have... and I should just check. Basically, I have to stop creating more things to worry about, by worrying about things...
Everything is going to be alright.