Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Breath of Fresh Air

January 3, 2017

This morning kind of felt like a breath of fresh air. I have been off work for 11 days. Usually upon returning from a vacation I am exhausted and ready for a nap... but today, things felt different. Like I set a refresh button. I didnt sleep any more than usual while I was off yet somehow I feel more energy than I was feeling before taking a little time off. It was a mental break. It was stress free and I let my routine go for a while.

I absolutely LOVED having my Mom and Dad at my house for the whole time I was off. I was up as early as I am every day either at the gym or with Z. I was busy every day with friends coming to visit or playing in Z's new tunnel or with his new cars... I was completely exhausted at the end of every night when Z went to sleep and my parents went back to the hotel... I was the happiest person on the planet with those that I love so very much.

Today, back to the routine. See, I am a routine kind of girl. Pretty sure thats where my guy gets it from. I feel like my time off was enough to reset and reload into my routine again. Sometimes I just get so caught up in the structure of "life" that I forget how to bend the rules. I forget how to stay up a little later than normal, how to play in the snow or how to just stop... take it all in... and enjoy it.

Its hard the way we live our lives so down to the minute to do those things. I get up every day at the same time, I scramble off to the gym, shower and dress there after my workout, work all day, get Z after work, sit in traffic in the dark on the way home,  scramble to get him dinner, take a bath and go to bed... then I go to bed and repeat the next day. No wonder why time flies by so quickly. "We" as a whole just dont give ourselves the time to slow things down.

I have been paying attention to a few things about myself that I want to work on... one of them is just that. Having Z in my life has really helped with looking at things with a new perspective. When I watch him discover something new it is just amazing. The way he looks at whatever it is with complete awe as his little 22 month old brain tries to figure it all out. Even if its something as simple as how the hair elastic holds my hair back and I can just pull it out and my hair falls down my back... or what on earth that white fluffy stuff is that is falling from the sky and why does it feel so "cold" when it hits my nose... I watch him. I smile at him and he smiles back. It fills my heart with so much joy. I know he will never remember the first time he saw snow or the first time he sang his ABC's... or even the first time he slept in his big boy bed... but I am storing all those memories away. I want him to grow and learn and I need to allow him the time to experience all these things.

I have been talking so much about cleansing personal belongings. When I open those boxes and they are filled with memories... I feel that feeling. I remember my brother and I playing with legos for countless hours in a row. I remember the time I spent playing with My Child and the days at my Papas house cutting out all the houses in our wooden town so we could set it up and play with the wooden cars we helped assemble. I am so excited to slow down and make all of those memories with my boy... but I also remember that while I look at those houses in the box or the doll in the bin... that while they all have a story to tell me... the story will never ever go away. They will always fill my heart.

Back to routine for me... tracking my macros, going to the gym, working hard to be mentally healthy and strong so I can be the best roll model possible for Z. BUT, I will stop. I will watch. He will continue to amaze me and surprise me and make me smile.


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