Thursday, January 14, 2016

Change...

January 14, 2016

Change….

As if I haven’t written about this one a million times…

The year 2015 was filled with so many changes its hard to keep track of them all. We are 14 days into 2016 and there are many many more changes to come. There has to be. Change is what keeps life moving forward. Change is what helps us evolve. Change is what sparks excitement, challenge, happiness, sadness and unpredictability in life.

There three types of change as I see it. One, something you initiate yourself, a new job, a haircut, starting the gym or a diet, the decision to have a baby and the birth of that child… these things YOU have control of. You made the decision to make the change. Two, something that happens in life someone else has control of, losing your job, your parents/friends moving or changing jobs, a new “standard” way of doing something at your job or gym… these things SOMEONE ELSE has control of. They have decided to make a change and you have to “deal” with it, accept the change and move on.  Finally, three, something that happens that was not a choice of anyone, NO ONE has control, a death, sickness, the weather, an accident, your child suddenly deciding its time to scale the stairs or start teething in the middle of the night. All are change… all happen in everyone’s lives every single day…

All three types of change are an adjustment. Personally, change I initiate myself is always welcome. What makes this so awesome and easy to accept is that I had/have control over it. I made the choice for the change… Even if it is something I choose to challenge myself with… like when I decided to join CrossFit and make it part of my everyday life… or when we decided we wanted to have a baby.  Yes, these are two very different changes and certainly on very different scales, but they both affected my life and forced me to make certain day to day decisions. The change in lifestyle was not easy when I started CrossFit and gave up eating like shit and half assing it at the globo-gym. It was hard, taxing and challenging… but I never let myself quit. It was something I wanted in my life and I faced the change square on. It was a self-induced challenge.  The change in lifestyle as a Mama has been massive guessing game that I hope and pray I make the right choices with every day… It is the most challenging, yet most rewarding change I have ever faced in my life. I love being a Mama! I suppose the biggest difference in these two is that CrossFit dosent have to continue to be in my life unless I choose to keep it. My little man… well… he has me wrapped around his finger for the rest of my life.

Of course, for me,  the other two types of change can be hard to accept at times. Some are certainly more “welcome” than others. You might be “in favor” of a change that is being brought to you so the idea of making that change isn’t so bad… you might be happy that the change is going to take place. Will it improve your life/job/experience? Does it make things easier or more convenient for you? Do you find yourself thinking “I wish I thought of that?” If so, you are probably going to have an easier time accepting the change and moving on. No, you didn’t choose to make it happen, but maybe you wished that it would change or you never thought it could get better. Those are the times you embrace the change like you initiated it yourself. Its easy… right?

Then, there is the “other” change. The one you can’t accept… have a  hard time accepting… or really, just don’t want to accept. This can either be change that was initiated by someone else, or something that no one has any control over. There are so many extremes to this its hard to cover the spectrum. Did they change the coffee in your office from Starbucks to Newmans Own? But you like Starbucks better… why didn’t anyone ask? Did they suddenly change your health insurance and its costing you more money now? Is this just a fact of life and increase all over, or just your company… it already feels like your whole paycheck is “gone” before it hits your bank account. Did your parents move 900 miles away? How will you just pop in to see them? Was there an accident, did someone pass away? So so so many different situations, all sucky on different levels, but all CHANGE. Change that you now have to “deal” with and accept as part of your life.

It is my goal (and has been for a while) to start to “embrace” these types of changes. Try to understand why they are happening if possible, of course some things, like a death or accident are just too hard to understand. If I try to understand why the change is occurring, weather I am in favor of it or not, it will soften the blow. It allows me to look at in a different light and start to accept what is about to happen. I can look at what I need to do to get through it and if I am really feeling ambitious, I might be able to find a positive in it. I might start to see that  the change is going to do good things for me and I don’t know it yet.. or maybe it has a positive effect on someone else and will improve their life and happiness. Maybe, just maybe, the change was initiated as a positive welcome change for someone else, yet it feels like a challenge to me because I don’t think like them or feel whatever it is is necessary. I may not understand why it has to be that way, but guess what? In most cases I just have to accept it. Why not try to do it with a positive outlook, give it a shot. Certainly complaining, crying or protesting, is not going to make it not happen.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. -Maya Angelou



Monday, January 4, 2016

This is the Beginning

January 4, 2016

As most people do, upon entering a new year, I have really been thinking a lot about what makes me happy. What things are in my life that keep me going day to day and what are the things that weigh me down that I could live without? One thing that keeps popping into my head is how much I miss writing. Every week or so I get an email from my FB link telling me that my "fans" miss me... because I havent posted anything on my page. I also keep getting these "memory" posts that link to some of my posts in the past... and when I read them I cant help but jump right back in time to what I was feeling when I was writing them.

Now, I have no idea how many people actually read my blog. I could (and probably am) writing my thoughts out and posting them on the interwebs only so I have an archive of my thoughts... publicly I guess. I know I started it so I could share my thoughts/struggles/dreams within my crossfit "adventure" in the case that someone out there might be inspired by it, but I think it became more than that for me... I dont know...

Anyway, I am here to give it another go. I like the feeling of getting things out of my head and onto the screen and maybe, just maybe, others like to read it too... other than the three people I know that actually read/follow... and one of them is my husband so that doesn't really count.

A lot has happened since my last post. Of course, the biggest being the fact that I am a Mama to the absolute love of my life, my "Little Monster" Z. He is 10 months old and growing, changing and surprising me every single day. I had no idea that I could possibly love someone so much. I am like a great big pile of mush with him... Mrs "Im never having kids" and "I dont know how to be a Mama" is actually doing it. At least, I am doing it to the best of my knowledge and abilities... totally winging it! But hey... hes happy, healthy and he keeps me on my toes!!

My goal with this blog now has sort of changed. My life has changed... so I guess that only makes sense. I of course still want to motivate. I still want to encourage others to push themselves out of the comfort zone, believe in themselves and thrive to be the best they can be... but similar to how this whole thing started, I am in need of a push for myself as well.

Of course when I had a baby my body changed, but so did my mind. I had this idea that I was going to work out until the day I delivered (which I did) then come back at 6 weeks postpartum and hop right back on the crazy train to Regionals 2016. Yeah. I did get myself back to the gym right on schedule, I dont skip when I am tired, I dont "cut myself any slack" but honestly, my goals have shifted. My life is not the gym... my goals in life which at one time had "make it to regionals" right up at the top of the list... now have a little man sitting in its place. My goal is to be the best Mama I can possibly be. My goal is to assure that I provide him with the best life, home, upbringing that I possibly can... My goal is for him to be healthy, happy and know that I will be there for him and stand behind him no matter what life throws at us. My goal is also to get him to sleep through the night!! Haha!!

 Life is very short. In this new year I want to work at getting myself back to where I am comfortable at the gym... I am still nursing and my body is still changing, I understand that. Its been a hard thing for me to accept. I will admit that there were days I let myself just "go through the motions" at the gym. It was/is hard to function at 100% at 5:30am class when I was up at 10:00pm then 3:00am to feed/rock/sooth or do whatever I needed to do. The goal is to work towards feeling like "ME" again. Regaining the confidence, regaining the strength and showing Z that he can do anything he sets his mind to.

I have allotted myself a little time today to get this started. I am looking forward to 2016! Its a new year... a new page and an adventure waiting to happen!!