Monday, January 4, 2016

This is the Beginning

January 4, 2016

As most people do, upon entering a new year, I have really been thinking a lot about what makes me happy. What things are in my life that keep me going day to day and what are the things that weigh me down that I could live without? One thing that keeps popping into my head is how much I miss writing. Every week or so I get an email from my FB link telling me that my "fans" miss me... because I havent posted anything on my page. I also keep getting these "memory" posts that link to some of my posts in the past... and when I read them I cant help but jump right back in time to what I was feeling when I was writing them.

Now, I have no idea how many people actually read my blog. I could (and probably am) writing my thoughts out and posting them on the interwebs only so I have an archive of my thoughts... publicly I guess. I know I started it so I could share my thoughts/struggles/dreams within my crossfit "adventure" in the case that someone out there might be inspired by it, but I think it became more than that for me... I dont know...

Anyway, I am here to give it another go. I like the feeling of getting things out of my head and onto the screen and maybe, just maybe, others like to read it too... other than the three people I know that actually read/follow... and one of them is my husband so that doesn't really count.

A lot has happened since my last post. Of course, the biggest being the fact that I am a Mama to the absolute love of my life, my "Little Monster" Z. He is 10 months old and growing, changing and surprising me every single day. I had no idea that I could possibly love someone so much. I am like a great big pile of mush with him... Mrs "Im never having kids" and "I dont know how to be a Mama" is actually doing it. At least, I am doing it to the best of my knowledge and abilities... totally winging it! But hey... hes happy, healthy and he keeps me on my toes!!

My goal with this blog now has sort of changed. My life has changed... so I guess that only makes sense. I of course still want to motivate. I still want to encourage others to push themselves out of the comfort zone, believe in themselves and thrive to be the best they can be... but similar to how this whole thing started, I am in need of a push for myself as well.

Of course when I had a baby my body changed, but so did my mind. I had this idea that I was going to work out until the day I delivered (which I did) then come back at 6 weeks postpartum and hop right back on the crazy train to Regionals 2016. Yeah. I did get myself back to the gym right on schedule, I dont skip when I am tired, I dont "cut myself any slack" but honestly, my goals have shifted. My life is not the gym... my goals in life which at one time had "make it to regionals" right up at the top of the list... now have a little man sitting in its place. My goal is to be the best Mama I can possibly be. My goal is to assure that I provide him with the best life, home, upbringing that I possibly can... My goal is for him to be healthy, happy and know that I will be there for him and stand behind him no matter what life throws at us. My goal is also to get him to sleep through the night!! Haha!!

 Life is very short. In this new year I want to work at getting myself back to where I am comfortable at the gym... I am still nursing and my body is still changing, I understand that. Its been a hard thing for me to accept. I will admit that there were days I let myself just "go through the motions" at the gym. It was/is hard to function at 100% at 5:30am class when I was up at 10:00pm then 3:00am to feed/rock/sooth or do whatever I needed to do. The goal is to work towards feeling like "ME" again. Regaining the confidence, regaining the strength and showing Z that he can do anything he sets his mind to.

I have allotted myself a little time today to get this started. I am looking forward to 2016! Its a new year... a new page and an adventure waiting to happen!!

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