Sunday, May 10, 2015

Holy Sh*t, I'm a Mama

May 10, 2015

Today deserves a post.

I am sitting her in my living room on the floor with my lap top in my lap. I have on eye on the screen and the other on Mr Z as he snoozes away after a long day and very exciting weekend.

See, I promised you guys (I say that like people actually read this... other than you NB "Hiiii") that I would write up my birth story. I did that. I spent a little time the other day and wrote it out. I decided that it was far to personal to put out there on the interwebs. Its something that I want to have between me, Hubs and #2. I will include it in Mr Z's baby scrap book and anyone who sees that can choose to read it or not, but sorry, the whole story isnt going to go up here. I do want to share the highlights... because I am a woman of my word!

We all know I was overdue. At 41 weeks I had my NST and ultrasound. It was assumed that I would want to be induced as soon as possible so at my appointment that week they let me know I was all set to go to the hospital Sunday (the 22nd of Feb) to get started. I asked my Dr if there was any reason that I "had" to be induced. She agreed that if there was no medical reason and I was comfortable with it, we could go to 42 weeks. She orderd another NST and sent me on my way with instructions that if I didnt go into labor on my own by Wednesday the 25th that I had to go and be admitted.

The week came and went and after the gym and work on Wednesday I headed home for Hubs and I to go to the hospital. Kind of weird knowing the next time we would be home, we would have the little monster with us.

So here is where you are going to get the abbreviated version, They admitted me and started what is called Cervidil. This is supposed to start softening the cervix. Its inserted and should be kept in for 12 hours. Apparently, this thing can fall out when you go to the bathroom. If you think a 42 week pregnant woman dosent get up 4 times a night to pee especially when kept up all night totally intrigued by the sound of her babies heart beat on a monitor.. you are out of your mind!

In the morning they came to check if it worked. This is when the found that it was in fact "missing." It also did nothing. I was not dilated at all and the little bugger was still super high. The nurse was instructed to start pitocin and the Dr would be back in "a few hours."

Clearly the little monster was just as anxious about pitocin as I was and decided to make the first move. When the nurse came in to came in to start it, she asked if I was feeling the contractions she could see on the monitor. I was... which were not really painful at the time. She at that time decided she was NOT going to start the pitocin and see what would happen on its own. It was 8:30am.

Just a few hours later at 10am I was not able to speak through a contraction. Hubs called my parents and #2 arrived. The rest is sort of a blur. I remember going thinking "how am I going to do this?" I remember telling the woman that asked me if I wanted drugs to "go away." I remember thinking that it was taking Hubs 100 hours to drink 1 cup of coffee... (found out later it was his second cup).

Next thing I knew I was telling Hubs that I was in so much pain I didnt think I could do it. That I was going to cave. The contractions were hard, fast and really really painful. I labored at the edge of the bed seated with Hubs in front of me and #2 behind me. They both were doing all the "right things" without even my asking. I was however, scared to death.

A mere 3 hours after being told I was 3cm... I was checked and was fully dilated. HOLY SHIT STORM it was time to actually push this kid out. The room got crazy there were too many nurses and too many people talking at me. I didnt like it. My Dr arrived and was shocked to see where I was and how fast I progressed. She understood my anxiety and backed everyone off so I could focus on what I needed to do from one person giving direction. Three contractions and 9 real pushes later... the most amazing thing happened... my son was born.

1:40 on February 26, 2015... I became a Mama.

I wont ever say it was "easy" because it wasnt. But I will say this, I was told "you will forget" and "its totally worth it." Both of these are true. There was nothing and will be nothing that compares in my lifetime to giving birth to my son. The whole thing, the 42 weeks, the labor and the delivery... 100% worth it. Also, by the time he was in my arms, the pain was gone. Even the recovery... it just melts away every time I looked at him.

Now (because about 2 hours has passed since I actually started this post), I just fed the little man and put him to bed after spending my first mothers day as a mother... It was the most amazing day. He is the most amazing little boy and I am so excited to see what his life brings him. I love life through his eyes. Everything is so pure and new. The world is in front of him... Look out!!

I can only hope that I can be the Mama for him that my Mama is for me...

Me and Mr Z - February 26, 2015

Me and Mr Z - Mothers Day, May 10, 2015

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Life Moves Pretty Fast

May 7, 2015

My friend posted this quote on the book of faces this morning. I thought it was so fitting as I sat down to write this during my lunch at work.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris B

There have been plenty of times in my life that I have felt like I blinked and time passed by, but nothing compares to the last 10 weeks. Honestly, in a mere 70 days my life has changed so much. I have had sleepless nights, I have cried, I have been frustrated and I have questioned myself... I have literally googled everything under the sun to see if someone/anyone has asked or questioned the same things I am... but then I look into the face of my boy. A life Hubs and I created. I hold him, I smell him, I snuggle him and than he breaks out one of those awesome humongous smiles that light up his whole face, or he bats those eyelashes as he looks at me like I am his whole world and it all comes together. One tiny little human has completely changed me from the inside out. I cherish every smile that I share with him, every coo and every single second (even the poopy diapers and middle of the night feedings) that I have with him.

Dont blink... time totally flies! 

                                          ONE WEEK                                                        10 WEEKS
This little man is just amazing me with every second. The smiles take my breath away, the coos and sounds make my heart warm. He loves to lay on his back on the floor and kick away! He also loves anything that is the color red (my guess is its the clearest color for him). He is the BEST in the morning when he wakes up... it takes about 20 minutes... stretching and yawning. Its so awesome. He is a lover of the bath tub, my little fishy and now he is splashing his feet away when we bathe him every night! He had his well baby check up and is now 13lbs 9oz and 25" long! He surprised the Dr when she flipped him over to look at his back and he put his legs down straight and tried to stand up! This is something we do often at home... he is already wanting to bounce on his own legs! My little stinker! I have a feeling he isnt going to be stationary for long! I just love my Little Monster so much! Such a proud Mama! 

What about me? Well things are going pretty good. Work has been extremely busy which is awesome, but not at the same time. Awesome because my days are flying by... but not awesome because the "former me" would be at work late to get my deadlines complete BEFORE they were due. Now I am working on getting things done for the actual deadline. Either that or I just have to work faster! I can do that too! I feel good when I am at work and I know that Z is in good hands both when he is at home 2 days and daycare the other 3. I want to be able to give him everything he needs... so this is necessary. I miss him, but again, I just cherish every second... even those at 2:00am. 

The gym has been good. Its certainly a struggle getting back to where I was/want to be. The second week back was a little easier than the first and this past week I have really felt a lot better. I feel like my strength is coming back bit by bit as well as my cardio. My core has suffered (obviously) which is making some lifts a little harder and its frustrating that I can not link my pullups and for some reason cant get my chest to the bar for a chest to bar pullup, but you know what. It will come. I know it will. I will not give up and I will keep moving forward. 

I was talking to NB at the gym the other day when I "PRed" my 3 Rep overhead squat. By that I mean that I hit a higher number than just the week before when we did it. I mentioned to him that I hadnt looked in my old notebook to see what my old 3RM was... I told him that I was going to start a new notebook, set new goals and hit new PRs. He responded to me with the best line that will hold true in so many things... he said "Sarah, life is a whole new notebook now." That is is NB, that it is! 

Whats really awesome is that the CFW community is still as great as it ever was. My 5:30am peeps are all so supportive. The second I start to beat myself up over something the are all right there to pick me back up. Having to scale strict pullups with a band was probably one of the most humbling moments I have had in a long time... not one person made me feel like I had taken steps back. These are the moments that make me fall in love with crossfit over and over. 

I will be writing when I can to update life with the Little Monster and my progress at the gym. However I am going to take Ferris B's advice from above and stop and look around at life... not cram too much into it that it flies by and I have no idea where it went. Not pack my schedule and my "things I need to do" so tight that I cant take the time to just sit on  my couch with my boy in my lap and stare into his beautiful eyes and thank god that he is in my life. I will take the time to lay on the floor with Hubs and our son and laugh when he laughs and smile when he smiles. After all, those are the moments I will remember and cherish forever.