Its time for an update. All I could think of when trying to come up with a title for this weeks blog was a band-aid.
There is lots to write about... the arrival of our "Little Monster," who decided to arrive exactly 2 weeks after his estimated due date, what the last week of pregnancy was like, how the delivery was... all the "details." Than of course there will be the post about what life was like the first week home, how Hubs and I are adjusting, the things I cant live without, the things I never thought I would think/say/do, that I now think/say/do... but not today. Today, I need to write about the "now."
I should first introduce you to our Little Monster. "Mr. Z" arrived on February 26, 2015 at 1:40pm. He was 8lbs 2oz and 20.75" long. He came into the world with his hand next to his face (awesomesauce) and is absolutely perfect in every single way!
Mr. Z @ 6 Weeks Old
Now, what on earth is this band-aid talk. Well... you know how when you are trying to take off a band-aid and someone says "just rip it off, it will only hurt for a minute," because its torture to just ease it off slowly. Its a similar thought to when you are about to jump into the pool and you stick your foot in and its cold so rather than jumping in, you walk down the steps on the ladder... basically "go big or go home." Thats what this week has been like.
Not only did I start back at work this Monday, but I also started Mr. Z in daycare, started back full time at crossfit and started tracking my food again on MFP. In perfect "Sarah" form I decided rather than ease back into "life" I needed to just rip off the band-aid so to speak and just do everything at the same time.
How is it? Its hard... but its also good. I miss my little man more than I could have ever imagined when I am away from him. I have never been more excited to leave work and either go home to where he is 2 days a week or go pick him up at daycare the other 3 days. The smiles on his face make the sleepless nights melt away and with every change that he goes through every day... my heart just grows and grows and grows. I never thought I could love someone so much in my life. I could look at him for hours and I already kiss him all over as many times as I can per day! I am so thankful that he is not in daycare all 5 days. Its so hard to leave him... but necessary to get back into the swing of life as we now know it. I need my job and enjoy what I do, which is a bonus because if I hated it I am not sure I would have wanted to come back at all. I am lucky that my boss is great and if I need time with him I can have it. So... all in all, we are doing ok on the job front.
Starting back at crossfit this week has been kind of hilarious. Seriously, I had said to N this week (Wednesday I think) when I was sore as hell, "this is so sucky..." He responded to me with my own words that I have said many many times, EMBRACE THE SUCK.
That is exactly what I have to do. My body has undergone something that takes a lot to come back from. I need to keep that in perspective. Its really a challenge to do mentally since I did CF through my whole pregnancy... At the end I was lifting a little lighter to not compromise form and develop bad habits and of course everything took a little more time, but I was growing a human and it was pretty obvious when I looked down and saw my pregnant self, or felt him move, why I had to let up. Now, here I am "back" and feeling like myself again, but my body, muscles and lungs just havent caught up to my mind yet!
I was lucky in the fact that I was cleared to workout after 2 weeks. I was able to do things around my house... need to get a newborn to nap? Just scoop him up and walk up and down the stairs 15-20 times! I also made it into the gym three times the last 3 weeks I was home on leave. One to just do some stretching, warming up and rowing and the other two I did workouts and lifting. However, if you are a crossfitter, you know that nothing compares to giving it your all during a workout.
This Monday I started back full time (Mon, Tues, Wed and Fri) and like I said above, it was, and still is, tough stuff. I look down at myself and no longer see the pregnancy, I see a body that isnt exactly what it was before I got pregnant. That is a tough pill to swallow... Than I head to the bar and I fail my back squat or I cant get the power snatch that I always hit before I took that time off... another tough pill... I have to put all that into perspective and remember what I just did. What my body just did and then picture my awesome, amazing, beautiful, fantastic little boy and be ok with the time it is going to take to get back into the swing of things.
We... myself, Hubs and Mr. Z have made it through the first week of daycare, work and crossfit... There have been restless nights and a few tears but we are doing it and we are the happiest Daddy and Mama on the planet! I wouldn't change it for the world.
I will continue to work hard, I will continue to play hard... I will continue to crossfit. I will get back to where I want to be and than some... and that with the most awesome gift of all right by my side.
Stay tuned and I might just share my birth story with ya'all!