Sunday, May 10, 2015

Holy Sh*t, I'm a Mama

May 10, 2015

Today deserves a post.

I am sitting her in my living room on the floor with my lap top in my lap. I have on eye on the screen and the other on Mr Z as he snoozes away after a long day and very exciting weekend.

See, I promised you guys (I say that like people actually read this... other than you NB "Hiiii") that I would write up my birth story. I did that. I spent a little time the other day and wrote it out. I decided that it was far to personal to put out there on the interwebs. Its something that I want to have between me, Hubs and #2. I will include it in Mr Z's baby scrap book and anyone who sees that can choose to read it or not, but sorry, the whole story isnt going to go up here. I do want to share the highlights... because I am a woman of my word!

We all know I was overdue. At 41 weeks I had my NST and ultrasound. It was assumed that I would want to be induced as soon as possible so at my appointment that week they let me know I was all set to go to the hospital Sunday (the 22nd of Feb) to get started. I asked my Dr if there was any reason that I "had" to be induced. She agreed that if there was no medical reason and I was comfortable with it, we could go to 42 weeks. She orderd another NST and sent me on my way with instructions that if I didnt go into labor on my own by Wednesday the 25th that I had to go and be admitted.

The week came and went and after the gym and work on Wednesday I headed home for Hubs and I to go to the hospital. Kind of weird knowing the next time we would be home, we would have the little monster with us.

So here is where you are going to get the abbreviated version, They admitted me and started what is called Cervidil. This is supposed to start softening the cervix. Its inserted and should be kept in for 12 hours. Apparently, this thing can fall out when you go to the bathroom. If you think a 42 week pregnant woman dosent get up 4 times a night to pee especially when kept up all night totally intrigued by the sound of her babies heart beat on a monitor.. you are out of your mind!

In the morning they came to check if it worked. This is when the found that it was in fact "missing." It also did nothing. I was not dilated at all and the little bugger was still super high. The nurse was instructed to start pitocin and the Dr would be back in "a few hours."

Clearly the little monster was just as anxious about pitocin as I was and decided to make the first move. When the nurse came in to came in to start it, she asked if I was feeling the contractions she could see on the monitor. I was... which were not really painful at the time. She at that time decided she was NOT going to start the pitocin and see what would happen on its own. It was 8:30am.

Just a few hours later at 10am I was not able to speak through a contraction. Hubs called my parents and #2 arrived. The rest is sort of a blur. I remember going thinking "how am I going to do this?" I remember telling the woman that asked me if I wanted drugs to "go away." I remember thinking that it was taking Hubs 100 hours to drink 1 cup of coffee... (found out later it was his second cup).

Next thing I knew I was telling Hubs that I was in so much pain I didnt think I could do it. That I was going to cave. The contractions were hard, fast and really really painful. I labored at the edge of the bed seated with Hubs in front of me and #2 behind me. They both were doing all the "right things" without even my asking. I was however, scared to death.

A mere 3 hours after being told I was 3cm... I was checked and was fully dilated. HOLY SHIT STORM it was time to actually push this kid out. The room got crazy there were too many nurses and too many people talking at me. I didnt like it. My Dr arrived and was shocked to see where I was and how fast I progressed. She understood my anxiety and backed everyone off so I could focus on what I needed to do from one person giving direction. Three contractions and 9 real pushes later... the most amazing thing happened... my son was born.

1:40 on February 26, 2015... I became a Mama.

I wont ever say it was "easy" because it wasnt. But I will say this, I was told "you will forget" and "its totally worth it." Both of these are true. There was nothing and will be nothing that compares in my lifetime to giving birth to my son. The whole thing, the 42 weeks, the labor and the delivery... 100% worth it. Also, by the time he was in my arms, the pain was gone. Even the recovery... it just melts away every time I looked at him.

Now (because about 2 hours has passed since I actually started this post), I just fed the little man and put him to bed after spending my first mothers day as a mother... It was the most amazing day. He is the most amazing little boy and I am so excited to see what his life brings him. I love life through his eyes. Everything is so pure and new. The world is in front of him... Look out!!

I can only hope that I can be the Mama for him that my Mama is for me...

Me and Mr Z - February 26, 2015

Me and Mr Z - Mothers Day, May 10, 2015

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Life Moves Pretty Fast

May 7, 2015

My friend posted this quote on the book of faces this morning. I thought it was so fitting as I sat down to write this during my lunch at work.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris B

There have been plenty of times in my life that I have felt like I blinked and time passed by, but nothing compares to the last 10 weeks. Honestly, in a mere 70 days my life has changed so much. I have had sleepless nights, I have cried, I have been frustrated and I have questioned myself... I have literally googled everything under the sun to see if someone/anyone has asked or questioned the same things I am... but then I look into the face of my boy. A life Hubs and I created. I hold him, I smell him, I snuggle him and than he breaks out one of those awesome humongous smiles that light up his whole face, or he bats those eyelashes as he looks at me like I am his whole world and it all comes together. One tiny little human has completely changed me from the inside out. I cherish every smile that I share with him, every coo and every single second (even the poopy diapers and middle of the night feedings) that I have with him.

Dont blink... time totally flies! 

                                          ONE WEEK                                                        10 WEEKS
This little man is just amazing me with every second. The smiles take my breath away, the coos and sounds make my heart warm. He loves to lay on his back on the floor and kick away! He also loves anything that is the color red (my guess is its the clearest color for him). He is the BEST in the morning when he wakes up... it takes about 20 minutes... stretching and yawning. Its so awesome. He is a lover of the bath tub, my little fishy and now he is splashing his feet away when we bathe him every night! He had his well baby check up and is now 13lbs 9oz and 25" long! He surprised the Dr when she flipped him over to look at his back and he put his legs down straight and tried to stand up! This is something we do often at home... he is already wanting to bounce on his own legs! My little stinker! I have a feeling he isnt going to be stationary for long! I just love my Little Monster so much! Such a proud Mama! 

What about me? Well things are going pretty good. Work has been extremely busy which is awesome, but not at the same time. Awesome because my days are flying by... but not awesome because the "former me" would be at work late to get my deadlines complete BEFORE they were due. Now I am working on getting things done for the actual deadline. Either that or I just have to work faster! I can do that too! I feel good when I am at work and I know that Z is in good hands both when he is at home 2 days and daycare the other 3. I want to be able to give him everything he needs... so this is necessary. I miss him, but again, I just cherish every second... even those at 2:00am. 

The gym has been good. Its certainly a struggle getting back to where I was/want to be. The second week back was a little easier than the first and this past week I have really felt a lot better. I feel like my strength is coming back bit by bit as well as my cardio. My core has suffered (obviously) which is making some lifts a little harder and its frustrating that I can not link my pullups and for some reason cant get my chest to the bar for a chest to bar pullup, but you know what. It will come. I know it will. I will not give up and I will keep moving forward. 

I was talking to NB at the gym the other day when I "PRed" my 3 Rep overhead squat. By that I mean that I hit a higher number than just the week before when we did it. I mentioned to him that I hadnt looked in my old notebook to see what my old 3RM was... I told him that I was going to start a new notebook, set new goals and hit new PRs. He responded to me with the best line that will hold true in so many things... he said "Sarah, life is a whole new notebook now." That is is NB, that it is! 

Whats really awesome is that the CFW community is still as great as it ever was. My 5:30am peeps are all so supportive. The second I start to beat myself up over something the are all right there to pick me back up. Having to scale strict pullups with a band was probably one of the most humbling moments I have had in a long time... not one person made me feel like I had taken steps back. These are the moments that make me fall in love with crossfit over and over. 

I will be writing when I can to update life with the Little Monster and my progress at the gym. However I am going to take Ferris B's advice from above and stop and look around at life... not cram too much into it that it flies by and I have no idea where it went. Not pack my schedule and my "things I need to do" so tight that I cant take the time to just sit on  my couch with my boy in my lap and stare into his beautiful eyes and thank god that he is in my life. I will take the time to lay on the floor with Hubs and our son and laugh when he laughs and smile when he smiles. After all, those are the moments I will remember and cherish forever.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Treat Life Like a Band-aid

April 17, 2015

Its time for an update. All I could think of when trying to come up with a title for this weeks blog was a band-aid.

There is lots to write about... the arrival of our "Little Monster," who decided to arrive exactly 2 weeks after his estimated due date, what the last week of pregnancy was like, how the delivery was... all the "details." Than of course there will be the post about what life was like the first week home, how Hubs and I are adjusting, the things I cant live without, the things I never thought I would think/say/do, that I now think/say/do... but not today. Today, I need to write about the "now."

I should first introduce you to our Little Monster. "Mr. Z" arrived on February 26, 2015 at 1:40pm. He was 8lbs 2oz and 20.75" long. He came into the world with his hand next to his face (awesomesauce) and is absolutely perfect in every single way!

Mr. Z @ 6 Weeks Old

Now, what on earth is this band-aid talk. Well... you know how when you are trying to take off a band-aid and someone says "just rip it off, it will only hurt for a minute," because its torture to just ease it off slowly. Its a similar thought to when you are about to jump into the pool and you stick your foot in and its cold so rather than jumping in, you walk down the steps on the ladder... basically "go big or go home." Thats what this week has been like.

Not only did I start back at work this Monday, but I also started Mr. Z in daycare, started back full time at crossfit and started tracking my food again on MFP. In perfect "Sarah" form I decided rather than ease back into "life" I needed to just rip off the band-aid so to speak and just do everything at the same time.

How is it? Its hard... but its also good. I miss my little man more than I could have ever imagined when I am away from him. I have never been more excited to leave work and either go home to where he is 2 days a week or go pick him up at daycare the other 3 days. The smiles on his face make the sleepless nights melt away and with every change that he goes through every day... my heart just grows and grows and grows. I never thought I could love someone so much in my life. I could look at him for hours and I already kiss him all over as many times as I can per day! I am so thankful that he is not in daycare all 5 days. Its so hard to leave him... but necessary to get back into the swing of life as we now know it. I need my job and enjoy what I do, which is a bonus because if I hated it I am not sure I would have wanted to come back at all. I am lucky that my boss is great and if I need time with him I can have it. So... all in all, we are doing ok on the job front.

Starting back at crossfit this week has been kind of hilarious. Seriously, I had said to N this week (Wednesday I think) when I was sore as hell, "this is so sucky..." He responded to me with my own words that I have said many many times, EMBRACE THE SUCK.

That is exactly what I have to do. My body has undergone something that takes a lot to come back from. I need to keep that in perspective. Its really a challenge to do mentally since I did CF through my whole pregnancy... At the end I was lifting a little lighter to not compromise form and develop bad habits and of course everything took a little more time, but I was growing a human and it was pretty obvious when I looked down and saw my pregnant self, or felt him move, why I had to let up. Now, here I am "back" and feeling like myself again, but my body, muscles and lungs just havent caught up to my mind yet!

I was lucky in the fact that I was cleared to workout after 2 weeks. I was able to do things around my house... need to get a newborn to nap? Just scoop him up and walk up and down the stairs 15-20 times! I also made it into the gym three times the last 3 weeks I was home on leave. One to just do some stretching, warming up and rowing and the other two I did workouts and lifting. However, if you are a crossfitter, you know that nothing compares to giving it your all during a workout.

This Monday I started back full time (Mon, Tues, Wed and Fri) and like I said above, it was, and still is,  tough stuff. I look down at myself and no longer see the pregnancy, I see a body that isnt exactly what it was before I got pregnant. That is a tough pill to swallow... Than I head to the bar and I fail my back squat or I cant get the power snatch that I always hit before I took that time off... another tough pill... I have to put all that into perspective and remember what I just did. What my body just did and then picture my awesome, amazing, beautiful, fantastic little boy and be ok with the time it is going to take to get back into the swing of things.

We... myself, Hubs and Mr. Z have made it through the first week of daycare, work and crossfit... There have been restless nights and a few tears but we are doing it and we are the happiest Daddy and Mama on the planet! I wouldn't change it for the world.

I will continue to work hard, I will continue to play hard... I will continue to crossfit. I will get back to where I want to be and than some... and that with the most awesome gift of all right by my side.

Stay tuned and I might just share my birth story with ya'all!

Friday, February 20, 2015

FORTY ONE... yes, 41 weeks...

February 20, 2015

FORTY ONE... yes, 41 weeks...

I have been thinking of what to write for this week. Its hard, it really is at this point, to come up with things to write... so this is what I decided to do. I am going to provide you with a list of things that I have heard said to me about 4,000 times in the last week, some even before I was "overdue" and let you know why I feel the way I do about them. I am sure, very very sure that what I am going to say is going to come across crappy to some, but absolutely hilarious to others (maybe if you have been in my shoes, or even just pregnant in general). I am also 100% sure that every person that asks anything, is just clearly showing their way of caring and interest in what is happening to me. So please dont take offense to this. Everyone is "excited" and I am totally excited too! I cant wait to meet and hold the stubborn Little Monster that kicks the crap out of me daily... but really, this is a list that makes me cringe.

"How ya feeling" (especially in that sing songy drawn out voice)
I hate this one... and I have heard it the most, at least 5 times a day sometimes back to back. I know its the most natural and first question people think of to ask... but my personal response day after day after day... is "great." Because, I am feeling great. Things havent changed and to be honest, I am not sure what people are expecting to hear. I would assume most women would say "good" or "ok" or something along those lines and not really get into the "details." Or do they... 

"Any baby news"
No... no news. I promise that when I have the baby I will not keep it a secret. Hubs and I will take the time we need with the Little Monster and than CALL our family and friends, text some other people and than share the news with social media (in that order). Rest assured, there is no way we will keep the birth of our child a secret from anyone. And no, just because I didn't answer your text or message/email does not mean I am in labor.

"How dialated are you?" or "Have they checked you"
Um... yes, I have a very public blog on the interwebz and yes, I  do share things about my life and my personal experiences... but there is no way in this world I am going to talk about the inner workings of my vagina with anyone other than my doctor, my husband and my mother (and dont go calling my mother she isnt going to tell you either). I have not shared, publicly, my ultrasound images for the same reason. This is the inside of my body... that is personal to me. If I showed you in person, great. If not. Sorry. I dont know you well enough, or feel comfortable with you enough to share that. Some women have no issues announcing to the world that they are Xcm dialated and whatever % effaced... but me, no. You arent going to hear that from me. I have also declined unless medically necessary to "check" me.

"Will you let me know when you are on the way to the hospital"
Unless you are my husband or my doctor, who probably already know that I am on the way to the hospital... not going to happen.

"Oh you poor thing"
Poor thing? Was I complaining about something? I am pretty sure I just said I was doing great when you just asked me how I was doing... I am not lying. I feel great. I feel amazing actually. There are times I forget that I am pregnant (aside from the constant poking on the inside).

"Have you tried *insert one of the million things that people tell you to do here*"
Walking... yes, I walk a lot... every day in fact. Squatting... Id say so. I squat a few times a week, is it ok that there is 125+lbs on the bar? Eating spicy food... every day. Having sex... right because I am going to tell you all about that... right after I tell you how dilated I am. Eating anything else... riding down a bumpy street... castor oil... raspberry tea... REALLY?! The list goes on and on and on and on...

"Your still going to the gym?"
Yep, every morning. Didnt you just tell me to squat? and walk?

"Your still here (at work)"
Ah... yes. Last I checked having a baby will cost me some money... and I need to work. So until the little one is here, yes... I am at work.

"Enjoy it now, once the baby is here its on the outside, its more work... get some sleep"
SLEEP... hahaha. I havent had a full night sleep in months. I am also confused, do you want the baby to come, or do you not? Should I hurry up and have it... or wait it out as long as I can and be thankful I am overdue... this is all so confusing.

"It feels like youve been pregnant forever"
I am sorry that it seems like forever for you. Let me speed that up for you. I dont know how you have managed to make it a whole 41 weeks. I am sorry, how can I make it up to you. Maybe a text on the way to the hospital even if its the middle of the night so you can sleep better knowing you are almost done worring about me.

"When are you going to be induced"
Well, I know its hard to believe, but I have decided to let nature take its course. I will go as long as the doctors will allow me to safely go with the baby on the inside. I know its hard to believe but I dont want to force my child out, as crazy excited as I am to meet him/her... I am not uncomfortable and believe it or not, have talked to my Doctors about the health and well being of both myself and my child... From the start of my pregnancy I have had a little intervention as possible. So, my plan, my plan is to see if this all happens naturally...

"The baby will come when its ready"
Slowly count to 10... walk away from the pregnant lady... she might haul off and wack you...

P.S. DONT TOUCH... never touch a pregnant womans belly unless she tells you its ok...

Now... this wouldnt be a "good" list and I would feel kinda shitty if I didnt follow it up with things you SHOULD day to a 41 week... or any pregnant woman.

"Good Morning" or "Hello"
Just act casual, normal... acknowledge her presence and if she has anything to share with you... she will. If she is a close friend or family member that shares, this is the time she will share with you.

"Good to see you, you look great"
Lie if you have to... but for the love of god stop with the "you are still here's"

"Want to go get a pedicure"
She is still a "normal" person. She likes to do fun things and YES she will still want to go to dinner and have a fun night out and maybe some time with her friends before the baby comes. So... ask and maybe she will be free!

"Did you watch XYZ last night"
Or any other normal conversation you might have with her. She really just wants things to feel "normal."

"Thinking of you"
This is an awesome text or message to receive. As long as you arent going to FREAK OUT if she dosent get back to you right away... or assume she is in labor if she dosent... than perfect!

"Sending my love and hope everything is good"
Another great message. Not asking for information, not freaking if it is not responded to... just enough to let her know you care.

This is all I have to offer for now. I guess a good rule of thumb is this... if she hasnt shared anything with you before she was 41 weeks, she probably isnt going to indulge in what her last appointment was like, if her discharge has changed, if she has lost her mucus plug or if and when she is going to be induced. Also, tread lightly... start with something like "good morning, how are you" like you would ask anyone... pregnant or not and if the person you are asking wants to get into how they "are" than they will.. if they are like me... they will be happy you didnt start the conversation with "HOW YA FEEEEEELLLLINNNNN?"

Monday, February 16, 2015

I'm So Crafty

February 15, 2015

Well here we are... 40 weeks and 2 days. I have decided that the Little Monster must be like its Daddy knowing that if it was like me, it would have been here at 11:55pm on February 12th. Once I said that, Daddy pointed out that I am one of the most stubborn people in the world, so... he/she may actually be like me and just effing with me at this point. Taking its sweet ass time... because well, it will arrive when it wants to arrive. Hm. Either way, I am pretty sure I am going to be pregnant forever.

In Massachusetts we are in the midst of the snowiest winter in any kind of recent history. Its absolutely crazy. We have had something silly like 7.5' of snow since January 28th. If you know me, you know that I am not a snow person. Id like to say I would take the bitter cold over snow any day... until of course you add bitter cold and wind chills around -30, which we are expected to have tomorrow morning... and I am in hell. A freezing cold hell. Kind of ironic. In a way, I cant blame the little bugger for wanting to remain on the inside. Its damn cold out here... its warm in there. Tell me what you would do.

All in all I feel great. I can re-iterate 1,000 times, though I am not sure how much people believe me since they tend to ask over and over expecting a different answer. I have been "lucky" in the fact that I have had no pains, aches or sickness. I might not be sleeping great, but that is not in any way from sore hips, knees or back, its simply because I have to get up to pee every few hours... and I wake up when I roll over because I cant sleep on my back or stomach (the two positions I sleep the best in). I have no swelling, my BP has actually been called "perfect" which I never heard prior to being pregnant.

I read all these things that people post on FB or that I fond on the internet... talking about "pregnancy brain" or "pregnancy clumsiness." None of these things have happened to me. I actually thought it was a joke at first, than I read about it in one of my books... people get these things enough to actually have them in books. So, I guess I should be thankful for that. I also read other things about people being "so uncomfortable" or crazy cravings, headaches, pains... Honestly, again... I am not lying... I am not bragging... I am just saying... I feel completely like the "Not Pregnant Me" just with a growing belly and now the occasional cramp or maybe a braxton hicks contraction... 

I have no missed a workout in the 10 months I have been pregnant. I did stop going to the gym on Satudays as I discussed a few weeks ago in another post. I have modified things that I have to, but that only started in the last few weeks. I cant go thought this whole pregnancy without giving some props to PurePharma. I take this vitamin pack every day, I have been taking it long before I got pregnant and never stopped (asked my Dr at the first apt if everything was ok). I have to attribute how I feel somewhat to this. It contains everything I need to stay strong, healthy and I think most of all, it keeps my joints and muscles from being sore and tired.

So, I think I have answered the "how ya feeling" question with this post. Its the most commonly asked question and to be honest, I would love to print this out, make it a t-shirt and just wear it every day so I dont have to explain myself anymore.

I am now getting 500 texts and FB messages and emails from my very excited friends and family who are anxiously awaiting the announcement of out Little Monster. We are just as anxious as everyone else. At this time, we are asking everyone and anyone that we talk to when we do announce that the baby has arrived that they keep the news to themselves before we decide to jump onto social media. Sounds funny from someone who writes a blog right... but in reality. You guys... unless I know you in real life, you will be the last to know. Right before you comes FaceBook. We would love to be able to personally tell our family and friends, with words... not text messages and emails... before they are able to get the news on line. There is nothing worse than sharing news that you are super excited about only for it to be followed up with "Oh, I know, I saw it on FaceBook." Rest assured, the news will be shared!

The gym has been great. Everyone has been awesome and supportive. I cant say enough how great it is to be part of such an amazing group of people. Every morning I see the 5:30am crew and they continue to support my "effort" with all of my lifts and workouts. I am already excited to get back and I havent even left yet. I was able to Rx pretty much all the workouts this week. I did have to laugh at myself when I attempted toes to bar on Friday. I didnt even think about it and it had been a few weeks since they were in the workout. I jumped up during the WOD to just do one and I laughed when I did the first and second, than failed the third because there was a baby belly in the way. So... what did I do? Well I just attempted another and rather than hitting the bar with my toes between my hands, I hit the bar with my toes outside my hands... not "Rx" persay... but close enough when you are 40 weeks pregnant right!

Either way, I am feeling pretty awesome and just really really excited to meet my baby. I want to hold him or her, I want to see its face, kiss it all over, count its fingers and toes... I dont care about the "sleepless nights." I dont care about the long days and the dirty diapers and the constant breast feeding or not knowing what is wrong and going crazy trying to figure it all out. I am not worried about labor and delivery, I am not worried about the pain or the frustration... I just want this little life to be healthy. I want to show it the world. I want to give it all the love I have... 

Monday, February 9, 2015

Times, They are A-Changin'

February 9, 2015


Have I not talked about change enough in the hundreds of posts on this site? Change can be frightening. Change can be a challenge. Change can make you sad. Change can be instant. Change can take a long time to get used to.  Change can make your life a living hell.


Change can be awesome. Change can be exciting. Change can be happy. Change can make your life better. Change can make you the best person you could ever be. Change can be instant. Change can be over time. Change could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Really, like everything in life, change is all in the way you perceive it. I had deemed myself a pessimist years ago… but in the last few I  decided to grant myself passage from being a pessimist to being a realist. I have to think the way I handle change has everything to do with the life that I have been dealt. A life, might I add that I wouldn’t give up for the world. A life that has had plenty of challenges, obstacles, loss, tragedy and too much sadness for someone in their mid thirties, has also been filled with more love than anyone on this planet ever deserves. With every one of those sad moments… or loss… changes… there has been a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or an ear to listen. That is how I made it through each and every change in my life from childhood through this very moment, love. Surrounding myself with people, . My realism comes to head when things start to go really well. I have a tendency to just sit back and wait for the tragedy or sadness to set in… almost like its bound to happen… just not sure when.

I am about to embark on one of the biggest changes in my life. I have been "working" on it for the last 39 weeks of course. I have had to change and adapt at the drop of a hat with whatever comes my way and right now... frankly I am on a timeline that is completely out of my own control. That's what is driving me the most crazy! I dint know when the "change" is going to happen!

I am typically in control of things in my life. I like things with structure. I like to know when things are going to happen, I dont really like to be surprised... but something about becoming a Mama... something about this little life, something about every kick and poke and sleepless night... its change that I can deal with, its surprises that I like. Anxiety and anticipation for things I could never imagine before.  They are moments that I just cherish and cant wait to see where life goes from here.

We are getting down to the wire here. My Dr appointments have been pretty routine. Again, something to be so thankful for in a world of the unknown. The Little Monster is running out of room in there and I think is like its Mama in the fact that he/she cant get comfortable on the right side or the left... so why not just keep tossing and turning back and forth! Sure, Mama can deal with it... constant pressure under the ribs and some days there are kicks on the right and some days on the left. This weekend Hubs saw a clear as day "foot" run from the top of my stomach to the bottom... feels so freaking strange. Not sure that this is something I am going to "miss" like people say I will!

My work surprised me with a great little sprinkle on Thursday. They know we are starting to cut it close too. They knew we used the "Little Monster" theme for the big shower so they decorated the conference room with CrossFit Babies and had a smoothie bar! It was perfect! One of the ladies in the office made the best "weight" cakes... which were not only completely adorable, but delicious as well! I have said it before, I will say it again, I am so very lucky to have found my job. I work with and for some very kind people. I cant wait to share the news with them!

The schedule for the gym has been all over the place because of the weather. Totally understandable that they have to close when they do... 5:30am is not the best time to be digging out and trucking through he snow. But, we are all there and we are all working hard whenever we can be! Monday the gym was closed. Tuesday I modified the power snatches to be hang power snatches, just the motion from the floor is a little awkward at this point for a full snatch. I can do them, but I thought hang snatches would be best. Wednesday was KB swings, deadlifts and HSUPs. Again, I modified the HSPUs with KB presses with the 35lb KBs . I cant wait to do handstand pushups again... which is funny because it is not one of my favorites! Friday, I really enjoyed the metcon, a 1K row followed by three rounds of C2Bs (that I did regular pullups for) and wall balls... than burpees. My wall balls are still really feeling good... and I hopped onto the airdyne rather than 30 burpees at the end... but it was one of the workouts that you have this great high when you are done. Felt really good.

Here I am... 39 weeks... post WOD glory! 

Sunday, February 8, 2015

I'm Registered for 2015

February 2, 2015

What a weekend... and week. Holy smokes! Its Monday... its the day after the SUPERBOWL and the Patriots are the Champions! What an amazing game! What also made a lot of Pats fans very happy (and some extra drunk) last night, was the forecast for lots and lots of snow today... which resulted in a snow day for most. This is of course on top of the 3' that dropped last Monday during "Juno" the Blizzard of 2015. Wonderful, I love snow... said with sarcasm dripping off my words. So, there will be about 18-20 more inches dumped down today. Funny how we havent had any snow all winter and more than 4' in just two weeks. Why not... at 38 weeks... just keep it coming!

I came to the realization this week that last year at this time I was registering for the Open. We were all getting pumped up and team training. I was watching every single bite of food going into my mouth and going to the gym twice a day. I had sweaty palms as I took the judges course on and was filled with anxiety while I registered for the Open knowing that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to be better than I was in 2013... scared that I was going to let someone down... or let myself down.

This week... I filled out the paperwork for my short term disability for work. I studied the forms for applying for a family plan with my insurance provider at work. I authorized money to be withdrawn from my paycheck for an FSA account... on top of all that... I pre-registered for the birth of my baby at the hospital and started all the paperwork for a birth certificate... WOW have things changed.

What hasn't changed is the excitement and anxiety of looking forward to the "next big thing" in my life. I am ready. I cant wait to see what is to come and though my palms were sweaty for an entirely different reason this time... I know that I am going to give my 200% at assuring I will do everything and anything I can to be the best I can be.

What also hasnt changed is the amazing support from my CrossFit Wachusett Family. Hubs and I were invited to a Superbowl Brunch this morning at Mo's house. She asked for anyone to attend to bring along a book for donations for children! I thought that was such a great idea and not at all out of character for something for her to do! I whipped up a batch of chocolate chocolate chip donuts and another batch of apple cider donuts and we headed over to rally for the Pats before the big game!

Who Needs Dunkins

I wasnt prepared for the turn of events when I was called into the living room for a little impromptu "sprinkle" for the Little Monster. The books... yeah they were for our growing baby library and there were some really great little gifts to go along with them. D brought a delicious cake... I was so surprised and speechless. It really was such a great day to share with my friends. It means so much that everyone could come together and do this for us. I always tell people that its not just a gym... and for real y'all its not just a gym. Its a family.

I decided this week that I was going to forgo the burpee. So, Monday I set up a pushup station with two 45lb plates at both hands and one at the feet with some abmats to hit my chest on. I did as many pushups as burpees in the workout and it worked out perfect. Unfortunately, the gym was closed Tuesday from the storm and Wednesday morning as well. I had to go to a wake Wednesday night so I was sure to hit Thursday morning... handstand pushups, though I can still flip upsidown, I am not strong enough to do a HSPU with an added 25lbs. So, I did 35lb KB presses. Friday, I again scaled regular pullups for the chest to bars in the WOD. I feel like I am still working hard and getting all I can out of the workouts. Saturdays have stalled out as I dont want to work on Oly and develop bad habits so, that was out yesterday. I will get back on track when the belly is out of the way! 

Just a few more weeks... 

Attitude is Everything

January 24, 2015

I got this email from my boss this week. He shared it with us all because it seems as if there are a lot of us in the office dealing with loved ones in poor health. I rarely share messages received through email... but this one hit home for me.
Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate.

He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say:  When someone would ask him How he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "How do you  do it?"Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.  I just choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I just choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I just choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Michael said.  "Life is all about choices.  When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.  You choose how you react to situations.  You choose how people affect your mood.  You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line:  It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Michael said.  Soon thereafter, I left the tower Industry to start my own business.  We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied.

"If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took  place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter, "Michael replied.  "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices:  I could choose to live or I could choose to die.  I just chose to  live."

"Weren't you scared?  Did you lose consciousness?"  I asked. Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.  In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man."  I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?"  I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,"  said Michael.  "She asked if I was allergic to anything.  "Yes," I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.  I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

I realize its not "easy" to look at the bright side. Believe me, I am so NOT an optimist. I am not going to sit here and try to pretend that I am always positive and I make the correct choice right off the bat when given any situation. However, what I will say is that I agree 100% that the way you approach the situation. That you have a choice as to how you are going to face a day, a task, a problem. 

Here I am 37 weeks pregnant. I am constantly asked, literally on a daily basis, "how are you feeling?" I answer honestly with an "I feel great." This is not a lie or an exaggeration. I feel great, I have felt great my entire pregnancy. I get a lot of "your lucky" as a response to this. Sometimes from women who have been pregnant and might have been sick through their pregnancies... or even from men who think they can speak on behalf of the women they know who may have had a baby...  You know what. I agree. I am lucky. Thats why I feel so great. 

I am lucky that I was able to get pregnant and carry my baby when I know there are so many women who cant or have had problematic pregnancies. I am lucky that I was not sick through the start of my pregnancy. I am lucky that I have been able to get to the gym every morning and continue to work out and release those endorphins every day. I am lucky to hear that heart beat at every appointment. I am lucky that my baby is growing and getting stronger every day. I am lucky that I have friends and family who support and love me and this unborn baby. I am lucky I have a husband who would do anything in the world for me... Luck, yes... but also attitude.

I realize that all of those things listed above allow me to make the choice every single day to focus on the positive. That even with the shit that goes on in daily life... the sickness, the fear, the pain and the loss... that there is something absolutely amazing about what is happening. That this is life. That every day I get to think about the future and as freaking scary as that is... not know what the future brings... its coming. 

Why face it with fear.  

This week I continued to go-with-it at the gym. Monday I was about to scale TTB when I was faced with the "challenge" not to... since I can technically still get my toes up there, I went with it. The rounds for my metcon were slow, but I did complete more than 40 TTB. Nope, not the fastest, not the most efficient, but I did it and I was happy at the end that I did.  Tuesday was a great day with wall balls and deadlifts... can you say "favorites" and Wednesday I again scaled some chest to bars with regular pullups. Friday was a day of burpee pullups and rather than suffer through that I just took the same amount of time and rowed. Figured that would be "best" for the little one.

9 Whole Months...

January 17, 2015

36 weeks... in case you arent good at math... that equals 9 months. Its also 4 weeks from my due date. Put it together and think about it. Women are actually pregnant for 10 months, not 9. Its a total of 40 weeks. I never actually put that all together until I was the one that was "waiting" for those 40 weeks to pass. Actually counting week by week, following along in my books about what is happening to my body and my growing child... Its pretty amazing really to think about the fact that there is a tiny human that started with a few cells (and quite a few beers).

At this time "they" say that the baby is growing about an oz a day and is probably 6lbs and maybe up to 18" long already. So in reality, this little monster could be born right now and be considered just shy of "full term." Part of me finds this completely fascinating and the other part of me is totally freaked out by it. I mean, it is what it is and this baby is constantly moving and poking and rolling and getting the hiccups (which is interesting to say the least).

My Dr appointments have been pretty "uneventful," which again is a blessing. Pretty routine at this point where they take weigh me, take my blood pressure (which has been remarkably good considering it was always high pre=pregnancy) than measure my belly, feel for the positioning of the baby than listen for the heartbeat with the doppler. I am still at a loss as to whether the Little Monster is a boy or girl. In fact, I cant even start to guess. I hear all the wives tails and even with all of them... I cant take a stab at it. I am totally ok with waiting... of course... and really, I think other people think about it more than Hubs and I do.

Anyway, here I am at 39 weeks after work...

Things have been a little "nuts" in my personal life. I am choosing to leave the details out of all this but I have been plowing through it all. Some things are looking up, some things are not looking up... I am just praying to God every day. I have been through a lot of "unexpected" in my life. I know what it is like to experience tragedy, I know what its like to hurt, but I also know what it is like to make it through. What the other side looks like. How to try to rationalize what is happening and put things into perspective. At least I try to. Everything in life happens for a reason, we are dealt the hand we live the day we are born... is just how the cards are laid down when we get to see how it all unfolds.

One of the things I have been most excited about for the baby is the cradle. When my brother Joshua was born my Nana (dads mom) bought Joshua a beautiful cradle. He slept in it next to my Mom for the first months of his life. It was put in storage for a few years and made a second appearance in life when I was born. I slept in it within arms length from my Mom every night until I was moved to the crib in the room I shared with Joshua. I didnt know any of this... I also didnt know the best part... that this exact cradle was sitting in my parents basement just waiting to have another baby sleep in it. Shortly after we shared the news with my parents my Dad brought the cradle up from the basement... and this weekend I was overjoyed to actually see it assembled, all cleaned up and ready for MY baby.

Here it is in my room next to my side of the bed... It just warms my heart to know that my Nana bought this, that Joshua and I both slept in it... and that all those beautiful sweet dreams will swirl through my little loves head in that very same cradle.

Physically I am still feeling great. I am not sleeping very well, which always makes me laugh when people say "get your sleep now." Um... yeah I havent been sleeping well for a few weeks, but whatever. I am still up and to the gym for 5:30 class which I plan to do right up till the last day I have a baby on the inside! This week, Monday called for chest to bars and burpees... well, the burpees I can still do, but the C2B's are not happening. I had a hard enough time with those when I was 20lbs lighter! So, I just alter it and do regular pullups, those still flow ok. Tuedsay, I enjoyed the WOD and would have even more if I wasnt pregnant. I did it as perscribed... 5 rounds of 10 OH Squats (95lbs), 20 med ball situps (with a 14lb med ball) and 50 double unders. I felt great through the whole thing! Lets do that one again AFTER I have the baby! Wednesday brought on thrusters and rowing... which again are great movements for being pregnant... and I am not being funny here, both are still strong and comfortable to do. And Friday... well... lets just say repeating my performance from an open workout, from last year is totally out of the question. Ug. Not good.

Either way, I am still proud to be 36 weeks and crossfitting. I feel good, Drs are all ok with what I am doing and Baby seems to be happy in there... so I am just going to keep on keeping on!

As Coach Bill Belichick likes to say... "Were on to week 37."

All Showered and Ready to Go!

January 11, 2015

I am sitting here 35 weeks pregnant, amongst a sea of “baby” things in my living room completely overwhelmed as to where I am going to put all this “stuff,” contemplating if in fact, such a tiny little human that isn’t even in the outside world could possibly “need” everything here. There is no way!

Yes, folks. My baby shower was yesterday. This superstitious, have-only-bought-one-thing-for-the-baby, Mama, now has a house full of gadgets, books, clothes and “essentials” for the Little Monster! I have to say, it was a beautiful and wonderful day. I have thrown a number of baby showers for my friends, which I absolutely love to do… and this time, I was told I wasn’t allowed to do anything but sit back and enjoy. The obsessive compulsive control freak in me had a lot of trouble with this, but the thought that my girlfriends who were throwing the shower know me better than I know myself sometimes, helped to put my mind at ease (ok… so I was still crazy that I didn’t know anything but it did help).

The outcome, a perfectly balanced, perfectly lovely, perfectly awesome day in honor of our Little Monster.

I have never felt so much love in my life. My Mom and Dad, my family, my friends… they just are all so generous and giving I cant even stand it. Thank you just seem like such small words for an amazing day. Everyone is super excited and can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or girl… how big… when will he/she arrive… who will they look like… whose personality will they be more like. So many exciting things to look forward to! So many changes are so close to our future… yet it’s so hard to still comprehend. Lots of emotions.

I will spend some time putting things away in the baby’s room, while most of it will go to the basement until it can be used. I will wash and fold a few of the outfits, get the burp cloths ready and assemble the carriage and pack and play… Oh.My.God. This is happening! 

The cake was perfect and made by Baked by Barb
you can find her on FB, HERE

Some of the "little" loves in my life!

 These AMAZING ladies made this day so perfect for me and the Little Monster!

 This ones for my Mama :)

Pretty much sums up how I feel about sitting in front of a group of people opening gifts. 

 The people who I love most on the planet... my Ma and Pa.
Getting ready to become Grammy and Pop Pop!

 Sunday was a super fun day spent at CFW with one of my oldest and dearest friends capturing this “magical” time in Hubs and My life. She really worked some magic while we were in our element and got some great shots of the “three” of us! We had a such a great time with lots of laughs. I am really happy that we did this and will have these to look back at years from now. 

The gym has been going pretty smooth. This weeks Monday WOD was wall balls and deadlifts which I am still 100% comfortable with. Tuesday we had some TTB and double unders which are both "challenging" but I still do them. My toes, though they still get to the bar... are not very efficient and I am not able to continuously kip them so even if I dont drop I am doing singles. The dubs... well, frankly, I am just afraid I am going to pee my pants. Just being honest. Did a partner WOD with #2 on Wednesday, which is always a good time! I am still doing lateral bar burpees (just slowly lowering to the ground and not slamming myself there) and box jumps... jumping up and stepping down. The OLY lift for this WOD was snatches and luckily light enough that I could pretty much power muscle snatch all 10 reps each round. Finally, Friday was a 7 min calorie row. I could row all day long... I still enjoy it. 

So, there you have it. Week 35 is in the books. I have a Dr apt next Thursday and thats when I start my weekly appointments. I feel the baby move a TON. I am glad its finally head down again. Nothing really left for me to do except wait! 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

I welcome 2015 with open arms. I am ready. Lets do this.

January 4, 2015

I am sitting here the last day of my "staycation" that I was lucky enough to end 2014 with, thinking of not only the year past, but the year we have ahead of us. We have the 2009 CF Games playing on the Google Chromecast and Hubs is making up some breakfast. I think the Little Monster likes CF already as he/she is responding with lots of pokes and stretching in there.

For me, its still hard to believe that I closed out 2014 at 34 weeks pregnant. Last new years eve, the thought of having a baby was not in my immediate vision of the future, it was in the future, just not sure when. I was so focused on the CF Open that was coming up and my goals that revolved around that, it just didnt seem like something that would happen for us. Now... with just a few weeks left before I get to set my eyes on this little miracle and we get to hold, squeeze and kiss it all over... I cant imagine me life without it. Yes, this is me... looking forward to being a Mama.

Hubs and I ushered in the new year with a raging night of movies and panini sandwiches. We decided to spend the evening together just enjoying this time with each other. It gave us some downtime to reflect on the year and talk about what is about to happen... we are about to become a family. No need to fear, there was certainly a little bubbly involved! We started the tradition our first NYE that we were married that we would have our toast at midnight with our wedding glasses. We have continued this tradition for now, the 9th year.

We woke up Thursday morning, the 1st of January and decided to take a day for us, just to be together relax, enjoy the day. "Santa" brought me a new donut maker for Christmas and since I spend NYE day with my Dad for his birthday, I decided to break in my new toy with a delicious batch of apple cider donuts. They were heaven. What I didnt bring to my parents house to share with them, were leftover for Hubs and I. The first few hours of 2015 were spent with my love, my coffee, my donut and a Toy Story marathon. Made me a pretty happy lady.

The last few years since starting CrossFit have totally changed my life. The way I look at my life, the way I approach a challenge, the way I handle any given situation... it may sound crazy, but it really has altered all of that. Since starting, I have not entered a new year with that good old resolution of  "this year is going to be the year" attitude. I know it seems like a good time to have a fresh start at something new... but honestly, unless YOU make the effort to change, it dosent matter if its January 1st or August 8th... you have the control whenever you want it. I learned that and I keep that at the front of my thoughts almost daily. If you want it, you can have it. Stop saying "I cant," stop saying "tomorrow" and do something if you want to change. I have never felt better in my life knowing I am in control.

My life is about to change in the most drastic way possible. I am about to face the largest "challenge" I have ever and will ever face. Its not a workout, its not a test, its not something that can be measured or scored... its life. I am ready to face it with everything I possibly have in the tank. I will be tired, I will be frustrated, I will not know what to do at times and how to get through it all... but you know what. I will not fail, I will not give up and I will be sure to always give my 200%.

I will approach 2015 the way I have approached the last few... with confidence that if I set my mind to anything I can succeed. That I will be the best that I can possibly be in any situation. That I know the year will not be perfect, there is no such thing. There will be heart ache, there will be sad times and there will be struggle. However, there will also be new life, there will be smiles, laughter and lots and lots of "firsts." My heart will want to explode with love. My family and friends will be with me physically and in mind when I start to falter or want to give up. Life will have a whole new meaning.

I welcome 2015 with open arms. I am ready. Lets do this.