"Sarah... Calm Down!"
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase come out my mom or dads mouth through not only my childhood, but to this very day, I'd be a very rich woman. I have started to write this in so many different ways to make myself not sound too crazy, but in reality... I kinda am, so here goes. You see, I am a pretty passionate person. *INSERT SHOCKED FACE HERE* There is a level of intensity and pressure that I put on myself in pretty much everything do. I have been this way my entire life (hence my parents using the phrase frequently) and will be this way for the rest of my life... its just the way it is. There have been plenty of things in my life that have deserved getting emotional over however, I occasionally find myself getting worked up over things in life that just dont deserve the time or the emotion. In all cases, worthy or not, I have to try to center myself and remember what my Mom and Dad always say "Sarah... if you just calm down, everything will work out."
I'd like to think I hide it well... but I'm not fooling anyone. At least not all the time. In most cases I have learned to curb actual "freak out"... control it somewhat. In other cases, I hide it on the outside than perform the "freak out" behind closed doors (or on the phone with one of my parents). However, in actuality, because I am such an emotional person... I am so very easy to read. The tension, stress, pressure, whatever you want to call it, is clear in my body language, my voice and most certainly all over my face.
This is my reflection of 14.1:
The pep talk I had with myself on Friday morning at 5:30am while I was getting ready to WOD went something like this... "Sarah, you need to calm the eff down. Get your shit together and do this. You know you can. Don't get frazzeled when you trip, just keep going and for the love of god, you better do every one of those snatches unbroken." I was so friggin tight just thinking about the 30 double unders that I have tripped up 500,000 times over the last 2.5 years of crossfitting I couldnt even see straight. My heart was racing, my BP was up... I was about to do the first workout of the 2014 Open. I have been CrossFitting for 2.5 years and I still have a freaking panic attack when I see double unders in a workout. What the eff.
So, I dont think I need to explain that it wasnt the best attempt. SP was my judge and she was trying her best to keep me calm and moving through the workout. The biggest issue with this whole "tense" thing is that double unders are nearly impossible when you are too tense. You have to be loose and you have to be CALM. Yeah... not so much. At the end of the WOD I was shy of my goal but realized some very important things... the more tired I got, the less tense I was and the more dubs I strung together. What do you know?! The more I released the tension (because I was too damn tired) things got better. "Sarah... if you just calm down, everything will work out."
I thought about that. In fact I probably over thought about that... When I entered the gym Sunday for a repeat 14.1 I was ready. I was much more relaxed, asked SP to judge me again and she even commented that I looked a lot more "ready" to go. I told her I was calm and I was ready. I had thought a lot about what this re-do meant to me. It was for me. It was to prove to myself that if I just calm down, do my best, push the hardest I can... I can do it. My pep talk went a lot different with myself in the seconds before the beep... "Sarah, you've got this. This is for you. Breathe, center yourself, keep calm, work hard and get shit done.You know you can. If you just keep calm, everything will work out."
The result. Well, aside from the fact that I got 41 more reps... when I finished, I finished with a SMILE... FROM LAYING PANTING ON THE GROUND, BUT A SMILE NON THE LESS. I had strung together far more dubs than I did the first attempt and just overall felt amazing. I felt like I gave it everything I had, pushed to the last second and didnt let those damn double unders get the best of me.
I am hopeful that I am going to approach the rest of the Open workouts with a new attitude. I need to let go of the stress and tension (at least some of it... a little stress and pressure is good for competition). I need to keep relaxed and be confident in the skills that I have. Most of all... I need to remember... "Sarah... if you just calm down, everything will work out."
I also have to take a moment to say how ridiculously proud I am of all the athletes out there whether you are a CrossFit Wachusett athlete or not... watching and hearing all the success stories from 14.1 is amazing! Every single person who went into the workout and got their first or 30th double under. Even if you just tried and tried and tried for 10 minutes to just to get closer to getting a double under... you are awesome! You are inspirational and I commend you for not giving up. For not being the person who said "I cant do that" or "what a waste of $20," when the WOD came out... believe in yourself (keep calm) and get in there and get some! There is a lot more left in the 2014 Open!
Onward to 14.2. We shall see what the CrossFit Gods come up with this time!