Friday, February 7, 2014

Apparently I like to Surf...

February 7, 2014

Whoops, its been a while since I have written again. In being 100% honest, I have thought of things I have wanted to write about when they have happened, but I didnt get myself in front of the computer to get those thoughts down. I wrote a whole blog in my brain last Saturday on my way to the gym... I even spoke the words out loud to myself while I was driving. Hubs and I went to dinner Saturday night, I told him all about it, we discussed it at length. Than Sunday I met up with my mom, I talked it out with her. I felt like I had exhausted the subject and didnt get a chance to write it all down. Today, I write not about that, but about something that inspired me to write today. Maybe I will look back and write about the previous topic... but just know, my mind is constantly thinking of these things.

I have had a lot going on lately. There has been a lot going on at the gym, a lot going on at work and a lot going on at home. I was starting to feel like I was getting a little overwhelmed in my life. One of my biggest problems, I still cant seem to get a grip on, is that I internalize everything, take far to many things personally. With my passion comes worry, sometimes fear, maybe some pressure and a lot of anxiety. I internalize and overthink pretty much... everything.

When I have a lot on my mind I have problems sleeping. This happens a lot. Actually, I am glad that I have this silly trait. Why, you ask? If I had no problem sleeping when I had things on my mind, I wouldnt be forced to get those things out in the air, on paper or wherever they need to be. The would sit in my mind and fester. I am not saying that my "problems" are all solved every day before I go to sleep... but if there is something that needs to get out, it is at least talked about, vented about or written about somewhere. This assures me that the "problem" is in the process of being worked out. Nothing will ever be "solved" if it is kept on the inside.

I understand its a process. I know things dont happen or change overnight. However, I am a fighter, who will forge straight into battle with absolutely no plan what-so-ever, just to get to the bottom of it before it turns into a world war. Sometimes that comes back to bite me in the ass, but most of the time... its a step in the right direction.

I am fighting a lot of little battles at the moment. I am wound up pretty tight. I have to really put in the time into those that are worth fighting and more importantly, I have to forget those that aren't worth fighting for. I have to understand that sometimes, you just have to let go. Not everything is a battle.

In the words of my Husband circa 2004... Sarah, you need to just RELAX."

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