January 4, 2014
Well, as I said, it has come time to face my fears. Take something in my life I have been afraid to do and hit it. Hit it hard. Stopping only when I have reached my goal. You see... last year I was killing myself for the Open. I was stressed, but I wasnt focused on the things that I couldnt do... I was focused on getting better at the things that I already could do. This is a constant struggle for a CrossFitter. Who wants to swing around on the pullup rig working on toes to bar when there is heavy weight that can be thrown around?! Or if gymnastics is your thing... how fun is it to work on your snatch technique when you have the butterfly pullup to perfect? In my head I knew that there were things I needed to get better at, but I feared if I let my strength (my safety blanket) slack, that I would be totally useless... what good would it be for my gym and the team if I couldnt hold up to the things they counted on me for?
The biggest problem and my biggest "fear" happened last year. The muscle up. One of the most important lessons learned in CrossFit (and in life really) is, if you dont work at something, if you dont practice... you CAN NOT be upset at anyone but yourself when you cant do it. I never practiced, I didnt make it a priority and than whammo... there it was staring me in the face as I hung like a monkey in front of a couple hundred people at the freaking Reebok World Headquarters for the Northeast Regional. Talk about failing. Yes, I spent a few weeks leading up to the event working and trying and working and trying... failure after failure... but as the old saying goes "Rome wasn't built in a day" and well... you cant learn a muscle up in two weeks. It would have been a real crazy fluke had I got myself over the rings that day.
I had no one to blame but myself. We did get through the event, but I still had a feeling in my gut that I couldnt get rid of. I had failed. I had failed myself, my team and my gym. So, what should I have done? What have I told people, what have I written about time and time again and what I go on and on and on about to new CrossFitters that have struggles? Learn from it. Take your failure not as a failure, but as a stepping stone. Every single person fails, every single person struggles... you are not alone. Everyone started somewhere. What SHOULD I have done? I SHOULD have got back to the gym and worked my ass off until I had the effing muscle up.
Failure. Here we are again. Its January. Registration for the Open is a mere 11 days away. Unfortunately, I did not learn, I did not practice, I shut down. I did the worst thing I could have done and I let it go. Tucked away as if somehow the "muscle up" would magically disappear from the world of CrossFit! Who was I kidding... now, they are doing bar muscle ups all over the place. If anything, the movements are getting more complex and higher skilled. Time to take my head out of the "200lb Clean Clouds," and back into the world of gymnastics. Its real.
I wouldnt be writing this if I didnt have some sort of a point right?! Lesson learned. I am not waiting. I am working. Every day. I am working towards my goal. I have to put my fear aside. I have to put last year away. I have to have the confidence in myself that I had when I was "going to do it" two weeks before The Regional last year. That never give up attitude. It frustrating as all hell. I suck at it, I want to scream and swear at everyone. I fail time after time after time. I have bruises, I have ripped skin... it does not matter. What matters is that I put the time into the skill and respect that it will not be easy. It will not happen overnight and it will require all of that failure, all of those failed attempts in order to succeed.