If you know me (and heck even if you just are an avid reader of my blog) you probably already know that I am an emotional person. I write from my mind and my heart and pretty much take the filter off with what I decide to share publicly. This isn't really anything different from my every day life as it is as an "anonymous" blogger in cyber space. I say what I feel and more often than not, even if I don't "say" it... its written all over me.
I have been thinking for the last 24 hours, since I started the trek home from The Northeast Regional, what words I would use to "sum up" this weekend. How was I going to take three days and press them together into one post. Just a few words. I realized really in the last week leading up to The Regional how much I have invested of myself into CrossFit and how emotionally connected I am to the sport and the family that I have been so blessed with within the walls of CrossFit Wachusett.
The word I have chosen to sum up this experience... could not be a better fit for every single member of the CrossFit Wachusett Family;
Its no secret that I am a competitive person. The fuel that lights my fire is competing not only with others, but with myself. From the moment I laid eyes on that field last year, I had the goal of competing at the Regional Level in my mind. I knew I was not alone. I knew the hunger that glazed over everyone's eyes at the gym as the Open workouts were released one by one, was going to be enough to earn CrossFit Wachusett a spot in the 2013 Regional. We fought, we bled, we cried and we sweat (a lot) and we did it. Our 16th place spot was secure and team training began. Five weeks passed within a flash and The Regionl was upon us.
I packed my bag, prepped my food and was on my way to The Reebok World Headquarters on Thursday afternoon with butterflies in my stomach that are oh so familiar to me. My mind was racing with so many thoughts I couldnt keep them all straight. I was trying to push the negatives out of my head and maintain a level of confidence that I knew was within me. We worked hard, we earned our spot, we belonged at The Regional. I belonged at The Regional. We gathered to check in, walked over to the stadium... and all stood in awe as the monstrosity of a stadium with empty bleachers stared us back in the face.
The next few hours passed like minutes and found ourselves gathered Friday morning for the athlete meeting to kick off the weekend. A quick glance around and I wanted to pinch myself. I was standing amongst the most elite athletes in the Northeast. Not only was I standing amongst them... I was ONE of them... Our team, our coaches, no longer that small gym from Fitchburg, MA. We are now one of the top 30 teams in the Northeast. An athlete in top 30 men, an athlete in the top 30 women in the Northeast. Holy Crap.
In the everyday world of CrossFit there are so many emotions that come into play. On a daily basis I am confronted with fear, anxiety, and what sometimes feels like helplessness... but there is also happiness, excitement and thrill that counterbalances and keeps my heart thumping and my mind thriving for the next workout. There is no difference in competition.
The feeling of walking into that stadium with CrossFit Wachusett written on the name plate which we stood behind, was completely overwhelming and exactly how I had dreamed. The stands were packed, CFW family were lined along the bleachers to cheer us on and encourage us. It was insanity. I personally had moments all across the board with emotion. I wanted to prove that I was worthy of being where I was, being part of the team and assuring my teammates that I was laying everything I had on the concrete right than and there, with each and every workout. Letting those who were counting on me down was something that lurked in the back of my mind all weekend.
Yes, there was a moment I felt like a total failure... however with the support of my coaches, teammates and CFW family I was quickly reminded of the fight, commitment, dedication and drive that it took to get CFW to The Regional. The pouring of support was over the moon and when it came down to it, I was able to remember all those things inside me that pushed me to get to the point of my life that I am at. All those things that I have written about, thought about, dreamed about... I am not a failure. I will never be a failure. Failure is never an option.
Each day we pushed through the workouts. We all had our moments to shine and it was wonderful, indescribable. At the end of the day, no... we weren't in first place, but really, regardless of what standings were, we had made it to The Regional. We had completed all 7 workouts. We had laughed, we had cried, we had screamed for each other, at each other and with each other, we had high fived and huged...it was amazing. A true experience I will never forget as long as I live.
I am so ridiculously proud of Matt, Mike, Will, Josh, Kelsy and Choma, for this weekend. I am proud of Jen and Curtis for kicking ass and training with us through 5 long weeks, both were a huge part of the team! I am proud to be a member of such a fantastic gym filled with such caring people! I am proud of myself.
Thank you to Matt for being such an inspirational coach not only through your own personal performance, but also by your dedication to the team and helping to make each one of us the best we can be. Thank you to Kelsey for not only being an amazing coach but also the captain of our team, you were phenomenal this weekend, beast mode all the way! Choma, Josh, Will and Mike, you guys kick ass, thank you for every bit of blood sweat and tears this weekend, HAM all the way! My parents and brother who attended all three days of competition, I am the woman I am because of my family. Hubs, who gets the brunt of all the emotions... I couldn't do it without you. Finally, everyone who came out to cheer us on... especially Jen, April, Sue, Curtis, Jess, Kathy, Nicole, Paul and Beth who were there all three days and I am sure I will forget somoeone if I try to list everyone who was there for the rest of the weekend, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
Now, back to "normal" training... and onto the next competition!! Oh... and that Muscle Up... its COMING!