Monday, August 6, 2012

Is it fair?

July 31, 2012

What would life be like if it was "fair?"

I can clearly remember asking my parents if it was ok if I could go for a ride in my friends boyfriends car when he got his license and we were only 15. When the response was "absolutely not," my witty teenage whine "but Dad, thats not fair" came out without a second thought. I knew he was doing what was right for me... and keeping himself and my mom sane in the mean time... but I didnt understand it, it just didnt seem fair that someone else's parents didnt have the same rules as mine.

When I was a senior in high school, I qualified for the State Championship for throwing the discus. My coach decided to have a Junior, who also qualified, fill the spot because she was "more consistent" than I was. I thought it was totally unfair that I was a senior and this was my last chance, and I got shafted for someone who would have another chance the next year. I had been so excited that I qualified and it was tossed away quickly. I didnt understand that he was doing what was best for the team at the time... I just didnt see the "fairness" in it at all.

Some people think that its not fair that they aren't as skinny or fit as someone. Some people think that its not fair they are not as successful as other people. There are people that think its not fair that someone makes more money than them, have the car that they have always wanted to drive or live in a house like they have always dreamed of living in. But when it comes down to it... what does that all mean? What is fair?

These are such mundane "fair" things listed above. Really they are ALL things that can be controlled. They are all things that seem to be the end of the world to a kid, or things that seem like they would just make life so perfect if you had them... if life was "fair" enough to have handed you that deck of cards. I thought not going out with my friend and her boyfriend or not going to States was such a big deal... and than, I realized... its not... its LIFE. And LIFE just isnt fair all the time.

Until I was 19 years old and faced with the most difficult year of my life following my brothers death I never really put into perspective what was "fair" and what wasnt. Its hard not to fall into thinking about some of the the things I had mentioned above sometimes, because we are all human and its pretty common to want something you dont have, or envy someone because they have something you do not. But honestly, life is what is is. Those mundane things, they arent about being fair or not... they are about how hard you can work and what you are willing to sacrifice to get where you want to be.

I found out today that my cousin's friend passed away. He was 33 years old and one of the brightest, funniest, craziest, modest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I am so honored that I can call him my friend. He woke up one day, just like any other day and was told he had brain cancer. Fair? He fought, and he won... for 5 years he was on the upside of the battle, until just over a month ago when he learned different... that it was back. Fair? He lived a pretty kick ass life. He did with it what he had dreamed, which not many people can say that they have done in such a short time. He seemed to be right where he wanted to be, than it was all cut short. Fair?

I feel as I am writing this that its pretty harsh, to compare these things... a ride with a friend, being able to lift a certain weight, being diagnosed with cancer... but I really think what I am trying to to is put things into perspective for myself. Johnny was doing everything he wanted to be doing, never a complaint, never a "why me" never wanting any special treatment. He lived the life he was dealt, fair or not. It was his life and he was going to live it. Who the hell am I to think that something in my life isnt "fair" when really... it is. I am here arent I. I have control... and until I have to face the things I have no control over... than yes, everything I have is pretty fair to me, they are all my choices.

Rest easy Johnny. We will all miss you, your positive outlook, vibrant smile and unending friendship.

Run 400m
3 Rounds
- 10 Lunges
- 10 grasshopper
- 10 Shoulder Dislocates
- 10 Back Extensions
Group: Mobility

WOD: "Bolt"
3 Rounds for Time
- 15 HSPU (2 abmats round 1, 3 for 2 and 3)
- 15 KB Swings (1.5 pd)
- 15 Calorie Row
(my time 10:27)

OH Press 5-5-5
70 (5), 80 (5), 90 (4)


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