Friday, December 16, 2011

"We are Fixers"

December 14, 2011

So, I was driving home from Boston tonight talking to my Mom. I expressed to her how poorly I have been sleeping. This is nothing really "new" in my life, there are times I sleep well, and there are times that I cant sleep for more than a few hours without waking up. Usually, more often than not, a restless night stems from to much on my mind. When I am thinking about something, worried about something or even if I dont realize I am... its no sleep for Sarah.

While I was talking to my Mom about this (its not the first time we have talked about it), I was saying how I just cant clear my mind. I have spent the last few weeks worried, tired and stressed... and while the worry outweighs everything else, it causes more stress on other things... the job and being able to concentrate even while worrying, the bills that they get paid on time and I dont forget anything, and how could I forget the wonderful joy of the holiday season (oh joy the holidays), which in turn causes more things to think about... and more sleepless nights. See the cycle?

Hubs has said to me many times... "clear your mind, try not to think about everything at the same time..." if only it was that easy. If only I had the same "off switch" that every male (not just Hubs, so I am not just calling him out) seems to have. When I mentioned that to my mom I followed it up with... "why cant I do that, why do I have all these thoughts going through my head all the time... why cant I take a minute to stop and focus..." Than she said something that I will think about and keep with me forever...

"Sarah, its because we are 'fixers' we want to fix everything."

Thats right... we are fixers. I want to be able to make everything perfect. I put pressure on my self to be the best of the best, the problem solver, the hard worker, the frugal one, a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter... no one expects that of me, I just expect that of myself.

The fact of the matter is, that's just the way I am at this point in my life. Maybe I will change, and thats ok. Maybe I wont... who knows. I am who I am... I take pride in that. Even if it does require that I dont sleep some nights.

25 Double Unders
2 Rouds
- 10 Spiderman
- 5 Toes to Bar
- 10 Grasshopper
- 5 Shoulder Dislocates
- 10 Wall Squats
2 X 9 Fundamentals
25 Double Unders

WOD: "OH" Holy Night
2 OH Squats on the min for 20 minutes

Row 2K for Time
(7:57) <--- 12 minutes less than LAST TIME

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